A conscious effort to be in the "now".

Lately (a lot during my long runs when I'm dreading the next mile), I notice myself focusing on the next thing....the next meal....the next day at work....the next work out. Instead of being in that moment and fully enjoying my surroundings, like the blue sky, trees blooming and the birds singing while training,  I'm thinking about what's to come (or when this hellish mile is going to end!). I know that a lot of this brain activity is simply ingrained in my genes and something I don't have a lot of control over --- I'm slightly anal and controlling --- but I'm recognizing this semi-flaw more and more as I go on.

I'll literally be sitting down for dinner, either out or in, and think to myself, "what should we have for dinner tomorrow?" or "I wonder what I wrote on the WHAT TO EAT notepad for my lunch tomorrow." Not normal. Instead, I should be 100% enjoying the company of my husbot across the table, having deeper conversation about our days, and work, and anything really...as long as 100% of me, or close to it, is present. Not letting my brain wander with trivial thoughts takes practice and patience. I have to be conscious of it. Sounds like ADD now that I'm blogging about it. But I don't have problems concentrating, really, it's just there's so much going on inside this brain of mine....in this life of ours....it's hard to just be in the moment.

I have always been envious of 'in the moment' people. Never been one. Not even close and it's getting worse. I admire a carefree outlook and aspire to have a nice balance of the two minds. Sometimes that's achievable I think, but harder to accomplish as we get older, have more responsibility, lead complex lives. Simplifying is crucial and also one way I try to alleviate my million-miles-a-minute mind.

Keeping the weekend balanced with social, home and relaxation is one way to achieve a sound mind for me, which translates to being able to enjoy each item or event on the list and not worry about making it to the next. This way, you're not jamming each and every weekend full of things to do -- both fun and necessary. Now this is not always a success in our household. I tend to say 'yes' to every offer from any friend. I tend to fill our calendar months in advance. Jeremy shakes his head at this -- he's much more of a home-body, as I've mentioned previously. Learning to say 'yes' and 'no' when they each apply is a learned thing for me. I'm still learning. Doing a much better job though since I've become more aware (and had a great convo with the male member of Team Baldwin a month or so back...got some great perspective).

Part of me says 'screw it - say yes to everything now because one day you'll be pregnant, or have babies, and not be able to do these things on a whim, or only once every blue moon'. Here again though, I'm focusing on what's to come and not what's in the now.

In the now we need balance and down time, just as we will in the future and always. Interests evolve, lives change, but this 'now' notion is one that I hope plays on and rings constant in my journey. Enjoy what we are experiencing here and now and today because it's really all we have, isn't it? I hate to reference the "if I got hit by a bus tomorrow" mentality, but it's a good one to occasionally think of....especially in this case.

I'd like to think that I can enjoy my grilled salmon over mixed greens dinner with J at 100% the day before I exit. Not contemplate tomorrow's hamburger and sweet potato fries.

Aaaand now I'm hungry. :)

XOXO
-ERSM

P.S. & totally off topic....We've been buying this local, organic skim milk at Belvedere Market instead of the hormone-packed crapola Giant pumps out. It tastes AMAZING and is 'green'! We bring our empty glass jug back for a new, full one with a small, one-time down payment of $2. Costs a bit more per jug but totally worth it. Check out some local dairies around your way and find out where they distribute!