Fleeting Fancies.

Training for the Baltimore 10-Miler has been great so far -- yes, it's only been a week and a half, but I'm already feeling better and stronger than I did on my first venture out hitting the roads. Running is a mental thing for me -- I can only really get into it when I'm working toward a goal; training for a race. Running is not something that I feel the need to do everyday, like my step-dad and many of my friends. In fact, many days I hate it. Many days I hate every step, every block, every mile. Many days I want to quit. I wonder to myself, "WHY are you torturing yourself, Emily?!" "WHY get yourself into this mess?!?!" I guess the only answer is that at the end of each training run...at the end of each race...I feel FANTASTIC. The effort that goes into it must be well worth the reward or else thousands upon thousands would not continue to sign up for marathons, halfs, 10ks, etc. I, especially, would not.

There's something so special about race day. Something's in the air. Dedication. I think that's what it is. All participants kicked their own butts to be there and they are eager to finish the damn thing! Add that race to their list! So, there's dedication and a healthy anxiety in the air, making for a seriously great morning. Gah I get goosebumps just thinking about the start!

I wish running to me was addictive. I wish I had that feeling, that urge, in my cells. Anyone out there who is addicted care to share with me? I've now completed about a million 5Ks, a half-marathon and a marathon relay. This 10-miler will be my first long-distance race (beyond 5k) since Oct 2009. Quite some time. Any suggestions for how to keep this routine up would be much appreciated, kind running readers. I aspire to be like you!

Part of my problem, which is apparent in almost all aspects of my life actually, is that I have too many interests. It's hard for me to pick one thing and stick to it. I struggle with it in my career, hobbies & interests like cooking & gardening, music I listen to, trends I follow (which I suppose are meant to change so that doesn't really count), books I read, or lack there of, etc. This can be a positive attribute in these short lives we lead, but internally I view it as a disservice to myself almost. It's complicated.

Exercise in particular has and always will be an important piece of me and who I am, but it's just always changing. Gym classes for 4 months. Bored. Cardio machines for a month. Bored. Weights every other day, then NEVER. Yoga 3 times a week, to 2 times a week, to 1 and then none. Pilates was in there for a bit but never resurfaced now that I think about it. Got my Spinning certification, which I never used. Got bored before training was even over I think. Running when the season changes and I get the itch to sign up for a race. All of these float in and out of my life, almost cyclical.

I suppose I get bored easily. That could be an answer. (Hopefully not with my marriage -- KIDDING, J. Lurve ya!)

New running kicks, baby!

Being passionate is important to me...important to human identity. I'd like to think that one day I'll be a runner. Or be a yogi. Or be a self-proclaimed "chef" or gardener. There's a big difference between specializing and generalizing -- so far I definitely fall in the latter category. Will that always be? Who knows. Is it a bad thing, per say? No. But man, I'd love to know what if feels like to proclaim, knowing it's not going to change in 6 months down the road, I AM a runner. Not just, yea I have run sometimes, randomly when the season changes and the earth is properly aligned with the moon and I have green socks on with new running shoes and ate Cheerios for breakfast at exactly 7:03AM. I want specificity and shelf-life with my hobbies -- enough jumping around already! I want to be that painter, for instance, that can't put down her brush and it's all she wants to talk about and do and breathe and live.

Fleeting interests frustrate me, clearly. I suppose it's good to have interests though, and I should be happy about that. They keep my days different from the next. Give me things to plan for, things to measure myself with. Either way, still a tad frustrating.

And I digress now....time for a hair cut and color! PEACE OUT!

Signed,
Over-analyzing Emily